Meet Amy Jackson. She’s 19 years old, from Liverpool

Amy

Meet Amy Jackson. She’s 19 years old, from Liverpool and she doesn’t support Everton. You met after getting her number from a mutual friend. Just remember to shake her dad’s hand, hide the porn and never, ever get her drunk near a tattoo parlour...  

Where did we meet? 
You were dead clever about it. You knew one of my friends and you got my number through them.

What was our first date like? 
We went to Alton Towers. It was something a bit different. That’s the best date I’ve had.

Did we kiss on the first date? 
No, I never kiss on the first date.

So how many dates before we had a kiss? 
The second date I’d say. Maybe a kiss on the lips.

Was I any good? 
Yeah, you were a good kisser, otherwise it would stop there. You’ve got to be a good kisser. You were soft and gentle.

So how long was it before we slept together? 
I liked you so we waited a few months. We got to know each other better and it’s the excitement at that stage, really. Once you’ve slept with someone it all sort of disappears.

Oh, really? Bummer. It gets boring if you do it all at the start.

What was our first time like? 
It was nice. It wasn’t planned or anything, it just happened. But it was great.

Do we still do it regularly? 
Yeah, of course!

Am I the best? 
By far.

Do you wear underwear around the house? 
Definitely, you’ve got to keep it spicy and fresh. I would make an effort.

I’m ill, would you look after me? 
Of course, yeah. Definitely. Chicken soup and all that.

Would you clean up my sick for me if I threw up? 
I know that you wouldn’t do it so I’d have to do it.

I’ve lost my job, is that all right? 
Ooh! As long as you were making the effort to find something else, I couldn’t have you lounging around the house while I’m at work. Especially if there’s was no dinner ready for me when I get home.

How long was it before we met each other’s parents? 
I would have to wait a good while. I would have to be sure you were someone special to meet my dad because he’s very choosy. You scared?

Terrified. How would we make a good first impression? 
When you meet him, shake his hand and keep eye contact with him. He likes someone who can talk well and is confident.

I’ve cheated on you. Can you ever forgive me? 
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…ever.

If I left Facebook open would you have a look? 
Erm… no!

You would! 
(Laughs) I feel so bad, but I’d tell you if I did it.

What are Sundays like at our house? 
A nice lie-in the morning, get up about half-ten, 11ish.

That’s not a lie-in! 
That’s a lie-in for me. Five o’clock this week, I’ve been getting up.

Would you still love me if I got fat? 
If you got fat I’d help you get back to how you were. I wouldn’t throw you on to the street.

You’ve just found a massive stash of porn under my bed. Is that really bad? 
(Gasps) Yes it is! You’d have to hide it in a really good place so I couldn’t find it.

Really? So no porn at all? It’s hard because guys like all that. I’m jealous as well. I wouldn’t speak to you for a day.

I take it you wouldn’t want to watch it with me? 
No. Not my sort of thing.

I’ve just been out and got your name tattooed on my back. Good or bad? 
I love it! Amazing!

Are you going to get one too? Erm, I doubt it. (Laughs) You’d have to get me in a drunken state.

Yeah, and then your dad would murder me. 
Exactly, so…

AMY UP YOUR DESKTOP:

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Is Georgia Salpa the world's sexiest woman?

Currently, bookmakers Paddy Power will give you 25/1 that Irish glamour model and recent Celebrity Big Brother evictee Georgia Salpa will take the top spot in FHM's 100 Sexiest Women In The World 2012.

Here she is in a lovely white dress

Three weeks ago, barely anyone knew who Georgia Salpa was unless they were a) Irish or b) a keen fan of our old Week in Women pages, which she cropped up on thanks to being extraordinarily pretty. But now, thanks to the crucible of stars that isCelebrity Big Brother, she's been catapulted into the public eye.¹She's a household name, as long as we're talking about households that watched the first three weeks of the show.

Here she is in a bikini, with a drink that looks a bit like broken glass

Bookmakers Paddy Power are now offering the chance to place bets on how well she's going to place in our legendary poll (voting starts next Thursday, by the way, so begin appreciating women now in anticipation). At time of writing, odds are 25/1 that she'll take the top spot – even though she's not been on the list before – and, if you're feeling a little more cautious, 6/1 that she'll place in the running at all. That's a fairly safe bet, we reckon. She is, as we've mentioned previously, extraordinarily pretty.

There's a full range of bets available for the gambler who tires of horses, dogs and football, and instead wishes to test their luck against a stampede of the world's most beautiful women – you can bet on her exact placement in the rankings, or who she's going to go out with next after her escape from the Big Brother house. Current favourite is Peter Andre at 13/8, for some reason.

And here she is dressed as a jockey, of some kind. We're unsure why

The press release, sent to us this morning, contains the ominous phrase “smouldering heavyweights” and the following sentence from Sharon McHugh, official Paddy Power spokesperson: “People can say what they want about Georgia's personality but when it comes to the looks department she's far from dull. In fact, she's smoking hot!”

Fair enough. If you want to bet, by all means, go ahead. And then vote the hell out of it on Thursday.

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SEAT’s bikini girl dance extravaganza

Some people might incorrectly argue that advertising is, for all intents and purposes, a bad thing. Those people have clearly not seen this advert.

This advert is wonderful. Like watching newborn lambs skip across fields, learning how to ride a bike, constructing then eating an enormous sandwich or cracking off a seven-tone fart of such potency that the dog leaves the room, this advert makes us happy to be alive.

The dog wasn't too happy though

What happens within? We can barely be bothered to explain. Surely you can infer a lot of the content from the headline. Still, perhaps you need more convincing. Perhaps you’re just feeling difficult today and, for some perverse masochistic reason you want us to really work for that click on the video.

Well, fine – a synopsis, then, of sorts. There are lots of women. Somewhere between six and twelve women overall, it’s hard to tell. Spectacularly gorgeous women, especially the blonde one at the front. All the aforementioned women are wearing bikinis, or at the very least some pretty scanty swimsuits. 

See? Scanty

They’re dancing – sexily, mind, they’re not turning out a waltz - in a volleyball arena, or on a mountain, depending on when you tune in. They are not playing volleyball. People are somehow walking around behind them carrying on with their business – the precise nature of which is unclear. 

At the end of it all, we’re supposed to want to buy a particular brand of car. Has it worked? No. Are the girls sexy? Yes. Watch the damn video.

Okay maybe we want to buy SEAT cars like 10 percent more now who cares

Rate This Article

+93

115 votes

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SEAT’s bikini girl dance extravaganza

Some people might incorrectly argue that advertising is, for all intents and purposes, a bad thing. Those people have clearly not seen this advert.

This advert is wonderful. Like watching newborn lambs skip across fields, learning how to ride a bike, constructing then eating an enormous sandwich or cracking off a seven-tone fart of such potency that the dog leaves the room, this advert makes us happy to be alive.

The dog wasn't too happy though

What happens within? We can barely be bothered to explain. Surely you can infer a lot of the content from the headline. Still, perhaps you need more convincing. Perhaps you’re just feeling difficult today and, for some perverse masochistic reason you want us to really work for that click on the video.

Well, fine – a synopsis, then, of sorts. There are lots of women. Somewhere between six and twelve women overall, it’s hard to tell. Spectacularly gorgeous women, especially the blonde one at the front. All the aforementioned women are wearing bikinis, or at the very least some pretty scanty swimsuits. 

See? Scanty

They’re dancing – sexily, mind, they’re not turning out a waltz - in a volleyball arena, or on a mountain, depending on when you tune in. They are not playing volleyball. People are somehow walking around behind them carrying on with their business – the precise nature of which is unclear. 

At the end of it all, we’re supposed to want to buy a particular brand of car. Has it worked? No. Are the girls sexy? Yes. Watch the damn video.

Okay maybe we want to buy SEAT cars like 10 percent more now who cares

Rate This Article

+93

115 votes

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Paris Hilton means business IMAGE UPDATE:

Posted by Paul French, 19 January 2012 | 0

"There are so many great DJs right now. And I should know, I've been to 100 raves in the past year." PARIS

Bet you didn't know that, eh?

Here are some more frankly excellent FYIs from our interview with billionaire beauty Paris in the February issue of FHM. Which you really should have bought by now.

FYI 1: Recently Paris found a stray dog on a beach in Bali. it looked hungry and made her sad, so she spent £50 on a filet mignon steak for it.

FYI 2: Paris was robbed five times by Hollywood gang The Bling Ring. It wasn't until the fifth time when she lost $2 million in jewellery that she reported the robberies. 

FYI 3: Paris went to the same school as Kim Kardashian, Chandler from friends and the guys who wrote the theme song from The O.C.

FYI 4: Paris used to date a guy called Paris.

 

Paris Hilton on your desktop

 

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Paris Hilton on your iPhone

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Paris Hilton in your lapIt's only a world exclusive shoot with sexy sexpot and billion-dollar entrepreneur Paris Hilton. No biggie.

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163 votes

Girls We Love

Paris Hilton

• Paris sued ex Rick Salomon for releasing their sex tape One Night in Paris. She eventually settled for $400,000 and a cut of the profits.
• Miss Hilton trademarked the phrase “That's Hot” in October 2004.
• In December 2010 she launched her own 125cc MotoGP team.

Why we love her...

100 Sexiest 2012

Vote for Paris Hilton inVote Now

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