Amy
Meet Amy Jackson. She’s 19 years old, from Liverpool and she doesn’t support Everton. You met after getting her number from a mutual friend. Just remember to shake her dad’s hand, hide the porn and never, ever get her drunk near a tattoo parlour...
Where did we meet?
You were dead clever about it. You knew one of my friends and you got my number through them.
What was our first date like?
We went to Alton Towers. It was something a bit different. That’s the best date I’ve had.
Did we kiss on the first date?
No, I never kiss on the first date.
So how many dates before we had a kiss?
The second date I’d say. Maybe a kiss on the lips.
Was I any good?
Yeah, you were a good kisser, otherwise it would stop there. You’ve got to be a good kisser. You were soft and gentle.
So how long was it before we slept together?
I liked you so we waited a few months. We got to know each other better and it’s the excitement at that stage, really. Once you’ve slept with someone it all sort of disappears.
Oh, really? Bummer. It gets boring if you do it all at the start.
What was our first time like?
It was nice. It wasn’t planned or anything, it just happened. But it was great.
Do we still do it regularly?
Yeah, of course!
Am I the best?
By far.
Do you wear underwear around the house?
Definitely, you’ve got to keep it spicy and fresh. I would make an effort.
I’m ill, would you look after me?
Of course, yeah. Definitely. Chicken soup and all that.
Would you clean up my sick for me if I threw up?
I know that you wouldn’t do it so I’d have to do it.
I’ve lost my job, is that all right?
Ooh! As long as you were making the effort to find something else, I couldn’t have you lounging around the house while I’m at work. Especially if there’s was no dinner ready for me when I get home.
How long was it before we met each other’s parents?
I would have to wait a good while. I would have to be sure you were someone special to meet my dad because he’s very choosy. You scared?
Terrified. How would we make a good first impression?
When you meet him, shake his hand and keep eye contact with him. He likes someone who can talk well and is confident.
I’ve cheated on you. Can you ever forgive me?
Never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever…ever.
If I left Facebook open would you have a look?
Erm… no!
You would!
(Laughs) I feel so bad, but I’d tell you if I did it.
What are Sundays like at our house?
A nice lie-in the morning, get up about half-ten, 11ish.
That’s not a lie-in!
That’s a lie-in for me. Five o’clock this week, I’ve been getting up.
Would you still love me if I got fat?
If you got fat I’d help you get back to how you were. I wouldn’t throw you on to the street.
You’ve just found a massive stash of porn under my bed. Is that really bad?
(Gasps) Yes it is! You’d have to hide it in a really good place so I couldn’t find it.
Really? So no porn at all? It’s hard because guys like all that. I’m jealous as well. I wouldn’t speak to you for a day.
I take it you wouldn’t want to watch it with me?
No. Not my sort of thing.
I’ve just been out and got your name tattooed on my back. Good or bad?
I love it! Amazing!
Are you going to get one too? Erm, I doubt it. (Laughs) You’d have to get me in a drunken state.
Yeah, and then your dad would murder me.
Exactly, so…
AMY UP YOUR DESKTOP:
Millie Mackintosh
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